June 11, 2024

Clean Language

What is clean language? Anger is an emotion that grips everyone at some point in life. You don’t have to give yourself over to anger, no matter how much it beckons you. Movies, sports, television and even the lives of celebrities and politicians are full of episodes of anger. Are not acts of terrorism acts of uncontrolled anger? Sometimes, anger feels like it has its own autonomy inside of us, but we have the power to bridle the strong emotion. We must keep our language clean lest it become abusive.

Emotions often run deep, and anger is an emotion that can strain the threads of love and togetherness in family life. Scripture is clear that maintaining self-control and managing anger is indispensable to preserving harmony within the family. We know that anger is an emotion that God exhibits and therefore is not sinful. Anger is a natural human emotion, but how we express it makes a significant difference to a healthy family life.

Verbal Expression of Anger

You have had a bad day at work, your car had a flat tire, and you come home to a broken washing machine that has flooded. You are having a bad day. Your wife is angry about her day, her work was awful, and your son got in trouble at school. Your day just got worse. In the heat of the moment, when anger surges, it is expected that voices will rise and tones will change. However, as Christians, it is crucial to remember the biblical injunction to “be slow to speak” (James 1:19). The volume and tone of voice may shift, but it is imperative to avoid high-pitched shouting and screaming matches. Using abusive and demeaning words is flatly unacceptable (see Policy 202).

In James 3, the half-brother of Jesus warns us that an unbridled tongue is as dangerous as a forest fire. Just as we should think about things that are lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy, we should, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29). Make it a practice never to say anything hurtful in the heat of anger that would necessitate an apology once tempers have cooled. Instead, opt for constructive communication that aims to resolve the issue, not exacerbate it.

Physical Expression of Anger

Physical violence has no place within the family. The Bible encourages peaceful solutions and forgiveness. Hard feelings and resentment should be avoided at all times. Jesus tells us to let the little things go in Matthew 5:39: “But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” And husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Even when disciplining children, a parent should act with restraint. Proverbs 13:24 advises, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” Discipline should be loving and aimed at teaching, not harming. It is permissible for a parent to use a measured form of physical discipline, such as an open hand, switch, paddle, or belt, but it should be just enough to sting and never leave marks or bruises on the child’s skin.

Furthermore, in Ephesians 6, Paul warns parents not to provoke their children to anger. In other words, be patient with them, no extreme punishments, and do not be overly critical or severe. You are their ideal, so set a great example for them to follow.

Responding to a Family Member’s Anger

The entire family should not have to walk around like they are walking on eggshells because of a family member’s explosive temper. When faced with a family member who has lost control of their temper and becomes abusive, it is everyone’s responsibility to exercise patience, restraint and not escalate the matter. Galatians 5:22-23 reminds us that one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. By maintaining self-control in the face of anger, we can avoid escalating the situation further.

Instead of responding in kind to the angry family member, it is more productive to attempt to de-escalate the situation. This can be achieved through active listening, empathy, and a willingness to understand their perspective. Best practices are to mirror what they are saying so that you demonstrate empathy. Proverbs 15:1 advises, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Responding with kindness and gentleness can often diffuse the tension and open the door to productive communication and conflict resolution.

Each Family Member’s Responsibility

In conclusion, controlling one’s temper and managing anger within the family is a shared responsibility. Each family member, whether parent or child, should strive to emulate the teachings of Christ. We should strive to use words that build up rather than tear down, refrain from physical violence, and respond to anger with patience and love. The same restraint should be demonstrated to extended family members, fellow church members, and co-workers. Would you talk to your employer disrespectfully? Then why speak to family members that way? These are the people you love and love you in return. Treat them always with respect, even when you are angry at one another.

By adhering to biblical principles, parents can foster an environment of love, understanding, and forgiveness within the family. As Ephesians 4:2-3 implores, “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Through these actions, we can ensure that anger does not disrupt the harmony of our families and that we continue to imitate Christ in our daily lives.

Author: Jon-Roy Sloan is the Chief Communications Officer for NationsUniversity and the author of Anastasia Smiles: Love Needs No Translation. Disclaimer statement: Please note that the opinions expressed herein are those of the author alone and are based on his personal understanding of scripture and how God works in our lives and do not necessarily reflect the views of NationsUniversity®.

Article 10, Family Policy Series – 202 Clean Language