March 24, 2021

Weekly Reflection – Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an important part of a Christian’s life, and I have been considering this all week. It turned out to be a bigger topic than I had previously appreciated. It seems closely associated with and intertwined with the concepts of reconciliation and love. All three are essential to one’s peace, joy, and a fulfilled life. Unforgiveness lurks within us like the bottom 90% of an iceberg, and you know what an iceberg did to the Titanic.

It has been said that living like Jesus must include forgiving like Jesus. And it is difficult, hard emotional work. It’s not easy to forgive someone who has hurt your feelings or harmed you physically. Have you experienced this? Do you know firsthand what I am writing about? As Christians, we clearly enjoy God’s forgiveness, but we often have difficulty forgiving others until the offender has suffered appropriately for the harm she or he has done to us. Have you ever wanted your “pound of flesh”?  

Mark Abshier has defined forgiveness in this way: “Forgiveness is clearing the heart of reasons to not show mercy to another.” As forgiving Christians, we must forgo our desire for that “pound of flesh” and choose mercy instead. But it is hard. What could be more difficult when we have been taken advantage of or cheated or slandered or swindled or gossiped about or physically harmed?

Forgiving Does Not Mean Forgetting

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. Healing from a hurt inflicted by another can eventually come, but that does not mean we have forgotten the hurt or that scars do not remain. Until that healing has occurred, we often feel a need to blame the other. In fact, sometimes holding a grudge is a cover for low self-esteem. I can only feel better about myself when I can blame you or other people for where I now find myself. A lot of this is based in what psychologists call the ego. Left unattended, it eats on the subconscious mind like an invisible cancer. And, like cancer, it will kill you!

Forgiveness is not synonymous with reconciliation, but it is a means to reconciliation. There is something special about a Christ-like love that is expressed in forgiveness. In fact, it has been said that forgiveness is literally a matter of heaven or hell. It affects our relationship with God now and into eternity. In Matthew 18, Jesus teaches Peter that he must forgive “70 times 7”.

Beginning there, Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant. It ends with, “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Matthew 18:32-35). And of course, the Lord’s Prayer includes the plea that we might be forgiven “…as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Jesus taught in the sermon on the mount, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7). In other words, forgiveness is something we have to do all of our life. It becomes a lifestyle. As children of God and followers of Jesus, forgiveness must be taken seriously. And when we do, the result is a sense of being blessed.  

Ever Hurt Someone?

By the way, have you ever hurt someone? Have you felt the need to be forgiven? You see, this forgiveness thing is a two-way street. It is grounded in relationships that forgive and encourage, and care for one another rather than treating one another with the proverbial wrecking ball. Which approach would you prefer to have if you are on the “receiving end”?  

So, how do we do it? How do we enable ourselves to show mercy? Perhaps the first thing we have to do is, to be honest about the hurt. Until we can be honest about the hurt, it will fester and infect everything in our lives. Once we have become honest about the hurt, we have to decide, “What does love demand?” Remember three keywords from the Bible, “God is love.” (I John 4:16). In other words, God wishes our good, our forgiveness, in order that we can be reconciled to Him. Remember John 3:16 and Jesus’ last words, “It is finished.”

We must likewise choose to wish good on the one who has hurt us. We love because God first loved us. And then, one has to let the issue go. The scar will remain, but it will no longer negatively affect the way we live with and relate to the other. And that’s how we will know that healing has done its work.

Forgiveness is hard work. But it is one of the things that go hand in hand with loving people like Jesus loved people.  

It seems to me that there is a continuum that goes something like this:   

Joy and power are the fruit of reconciliation.
        Reconciliation comes from forgiveness.
             Forgiveness is the fruit of love.
                  Love wishes only good for the other.
                         “God is love.”

All of this began with a loving God, resulted in forgiveness that produced reconciliation, and can end in joy, power, and other aspects of the life we really wanted and were created for. Now that’s something worth pursuing! Begin today.

Blessings,